girl who is going to be okay
the concept of being alive and feeling infinite on a tuesday morning
I feel it’s not cool to like The Perks of Being a Wallflower anymore. But I’ve always loved the movie, and specifically this scene.
There’s so much beauty in being alive.
Lately, I find myself enjoying the really tiny, microscopic moments of existing in the day to day.
I love when I’m going for a walk—maybe for a coffee, maybe for fun. And I feel the warmth of the sun. The slight breeze. And maybe I feel kinda fat in my clothes that day, but I decide not to care.
I’m crossing the rainbow crosswalk in my hometown. I’m thinking about how lovely it is to live in a town that is so diverse.
An older woman or a man tells me they like my shoes. Or someone smiles and tells me to have a good day. Maybe they say Good morning.
And I think about how lovely it is to be awake at 7 A.M. on a Tuesday.
I get my coffee and, if I’m lucky, have a nice but brief conversation with someone in line. We discuss the weather and how we can’t wait for fall. They smile and say, Enjoy the rest of your day! I smile back.
I place my coffee order, and I wonder about the cashier. I wonder if she’s just home for summer break. If she’s in school. If she’s happy.
I sip my coffee and wonder about the people around me. Where they’re going. What their evenings look like. Do they like their jobs? I hope they do.
I unlock my car door and smile. I have one that is new to me, but I’m so blessed to have it. And I’m so blessed to have a family that thinks of me in this way.
I turn the radio on. I crank the air conditioning, or I roll the windows down. I put on a song I can’t get out of my head recently—
Punkrocker by Teddybears ft. Iggy Pop.
And I blast it.
I tap my fingers on the steering wheel. I sing along horribly.
And I’m overcome with emotion. I begin to cry.
I cry from the simplicity of the moment. I cry out of sheer joy. I cry from how cinematic the moment feels.
Because I can say, Wow. I had a really wonderful day today.
This evening, I’ll take myself to a movie I’ve been dying to see. And I’ll get myself my popcorn and my drink. I’ll sit in my empty row and enjoy my movie.
And when I leave I’ll ponder the lives of the staff and other filmgoers. I’ll aim for a reasonable bedtime so I’m not up all night.
Because a day like this reminds me that my loneliness is too small for the rest of the world. And when I expand my life, it has no place to stay.