no one can tell you who you are, except for me
how dating gurus turned patriarchy into a personality
If you scroll any social media platform you will observe countless women appointing themselves as coaches, gurus, and matchmakers. And the aimless and desperate just gobble it up.
The Rise of the Digital Madam
SheraSeven has been posting on YouTube for the last fifteen years. She labels herself a “financial coach,” and millions of confused women eat her advice like it’s Thanksgiving dinner.
Another self-described “coach,” Ashley Dalton, gives women advice on how to “level-up.” It’s patriarchal, misogynistic dating advice encouraging women to modify themselves to attract a mate. Dalton is gorgeous, but the idea of a woman with a surgically enhanced “natural” body preaching about self-worth doesn’t sit right with me.
You Are Under Spells, People
The desperate women of the Internet are under spells. There’s no certification required to be a coach — you can just call yourself one. Watching millions fall into these circular traps of “level-up” and “soft life” rhetoric makes me want to blow my brains out. Society can never exist in a healthy middle; the pendulum must always swing dramatically from left to right.
These women essentially run their audiences like a brothel. The audience sells whatever they possess — time, money, attention, even their bodies — to the beautiful, intimidating Madam who instructs them best on how to get the most out of men. The Digital Madam essentially pimps these women out to the highest bidder (six-figure men).
The Etiquette Class You Never Took
You allow a complete stranger to instruct you on how to be a “feminine woman.” If it’s that serious, just take an etiquette class. I believe the wider issue is that a lot of women lack motherly guidance. I know I did. My mother didn’t teach me anything about being a woman. She just showed me what not to be.
Rudimentary Women, Thirty-Second Clips
After my many years on the World Wide Web, I’m beginning to believe many women are surface-level, and it’s breaking my heart. The advice is often free and easily accessible, so I see why women gravitate toward it. A quick thirty-second video, a “sprinkle, sprinkle,” and suddenly you’re on Hinge demanding a stranger order you an Uber to a date you could’ve just driven to yourself.
You Like Your Prison
The more I experience women out in the wild, the more I am convinced no one has any interest in being an actual adult. You complain about paying bills. You brag about your husband being a “provider.” You brag about being a SAHM, making sacrifices for the sake of your family. You tell me feminism is bad, while complaining about your grandmother fighting for your right to work. You want to be a Pilates princess. You want to be a stay-at-home girlfriend. You don’t hate feminism. You hate capitalism.
Real Women Don’t Care About 50/50
Adult women with actual full-time careers don’t care about 50/50. They don’t care about their partners being “providers.” They care about partners being active and emotionally attentive. They care about them being good fathers. They care about equality.
Velvet Cages and Scrambled Eggs
Men will not save you. Patriarchy is designed to crush you. And you are letting it. You won’t marry a rich man because you’ve built your life around a delusion. You have no education. You have a decade-long gap in your work history. You sit in your velvet cage, scrambling eggs, stewing with rage. Listen to your children hoot and holler. And you swipe, swipe, stop, and watch.
Sprinkle, Sprinkle — You’re Welcome
Ashley Dalton wants you to level-up, after all. If your husband cheats on you? It’s because you’re not pretty enough. You let yourself go.
SheraSeven has told you to leave those “dusties” alone. He won’t pay your bills? He’s a bum! Sprinkle, sprinkle.
And yes, I know — I sound like a coach too. The difference is I’m not feeding you delusion dressed as empowerment. I’m telling you the truth: men will not save you, patriarchy is crushing you, and you are letting it.
The fact of the matter is that a lot of women do not trust themselves. You don’t trust yourself to choose you if you get your heart broken. Subconsciously, you know you’ll stay and talk yourself out of being alone. This is why women fall into these traps of gurus and coaches. Rather than accepting responsibility — I betrayed myself for love — and changing so it doesn’t happen again, women adopt an attitude of self-blame. You don’t get mistreated because you are ugly, fat, or whatever Ashley Dalton claims. Sometimes bad things just happen. You can’t control, predict, or even change people. But you can decide not to tolerate it anymore.
So no one should tell you who you are — except for you.